I just spent more than $30 on beef jerky.
Why, might you ask?
Because it's divine. In fact, it's Divine Bovine. She's graced me with her tender, sweet, succulent jerky goodness.
That photo still might not be convincing enough. Okay, imagine eating popular, name-brand beef jerky you buy at the grocery store. Tastes alright, but tough, dry, over-salted, and shoe-leathery may come to mind. If that's beef jerky hell, Divine Bovine welcomes you to beef jerky heaven.
The Original is savory and a little smoky, with just the right level of saltiness; Honey Teriyaki is its sweet companion.
But my very favorite, the one I fell in love with in a car dealership gift shop*, is Wild Honey Teriyaki. For a brief moment on your taste buds, it poses as its sweet angel sister, the normal Honey Teriyaki. All of a sudden, your tongue envelops in flames.
It's a heavenly heifer that will give you one hell of a mouth burn. But as your ears redden slightly and tiny sweat beads start to form on your temples, you will reach for more.
Mmm-hmm. Holy Cow is right.
*A little anecdote: I actually happened upon Divine Bovine while waiting for a routine car check-up at Longo Toyota. Bored and feeling snacky, I browsed the gift shop for something to munch on.
"Ooh, what's this? I loves me some beef jerky."
So I paid $6.99 for a 4 ounce bag at the cashier. And it was so good, I had to buy it again the next time I was back at Longo Toyota for another service.
And then since I didn't have to return for another 4,000+ miles, I turned to the Internet to get my jerky fix. I ordered one of each flavor, pulled out my credit card, and placed my order. And I got a confirmation e-mail..
.. from Anthony Longo.
COINCIDENCE?!? HA! I think not. I mean, how common of a name is "Longo"? And I was wondering why it wasn't cheaper to buy the jerky online. Don't gift shops -- especially in car dealerships -- hike up the prices? But this jerky pretty much costs the same online as it does in the gift shop. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
Actually, I have no real idea if Anthony Longo is or is related to Mr. Longo of Longo Toyota. But thank you Mr. Longo(s). Thank you for the beef jerky.
* * *
3534 N. Peck Road
El Monte 91731
UPDATE 2/5/08, 11:09 PM:
So uh... apparently.. this jerky is available at your local Stater Bros. ... for only $5.99..?? Dude, I could have gotten an extra bag with what I paid!
I've got a sheepish smile on my face right now. Heh..